Too weird to live, too rare to die.

I haven't really been in the blogging mood these days, actually months; I guess it's because I'm so goddamn close to vacation time and those fuckers at my school keep procrastinating in order to make me feel like crap a couple of days more.

Can't wait to go to the beach and just lay down on the sand...I can already hear the sound of the gentle waves, I mean who doesn't like to be doing shit at some random place in the world where nobody knows you or cares about you.

Anyways, I'm off to try and have a "nice" time at some random bar in some random hip neighborhood...

Isn't this b-e-a-utiful?

¿Te quiero? No, no te quiero. ¿Quién podría querer a un pedazo de carne como tú? Te hablo, tú ni lo adviertes; te ignoro, me idolatras.
¿Te odio? No, no te odio. El odio no existe. Sólo quiero quemarme, destruir mi cerebro; que cuando diga tu nombre, yo sangre; que mi garganta salga por mi boca y se encuentre podrida, deshecha. Quiero sentir ese vacío en mi cráneo, sentir nada.
Dejé de ser humana cuando te conocí; gané demonios, ellos me dejan dormir, me entumen y me recuerdan que aún puedo soñar. Gracias a ellos cuando me miro al espejo me reconozco; me observo y me encuentro parada de nuevo. Ahora me idolatro y me amo más que nunca.
Todo gracias a ti.

Everything tingles in my ear, if only I could hear your alienated and drunken spirit that flies around me; I would feel fantastic; I would be the key to the equation.
Is that really me, boy?...I am feeling schizophrenic, burning acids, feeling like falling into a coma.
Now here come the aliens for us aliens. I feel claustrophobia, absolutely soulless, lifeless; my skull is dry, I can sense the void, yet the choice belongs to me; to find a path that gets to you, but it's like crossing the goddamn Atlantic.
You fucking outsmart me, people say you do, I didn't want to believe it. Now I'll forever sink in your dead sea, swallowing all the rests of our past life and being the queen of my own disgrace.
I would've loved to make you vibrate.... exaggerate... I am in my death throes, but do not be deluded because I am now on the other side of normal and I realize I am the one I love, I am the one I need. Joy belongs to me, it tickles in my head. I have found my eternal self...

ALL I WANT
Is a guy to fall in love with and stay in love with.
someone who loves me for me, and everything about me.
someone who I'm good enough for, so they'll never need someone else.
someone who's always there for me & doesn't lie about stupid shit.
someone who's straight forward and doesn't go around the bush.
someone who I never have an awkward moment with & if we ever have one then laugh about it instead of being idiots.
where I'm the first thing on their mind when they wake up,
and the last thing on their mind before they go to bed.
someone I can tell all my problems to.
someone who truly cares about me.
someone who makes me happy, and I can make them happy in return.
someone who falls in love with me, and shows everyday that they're still in love.
and stays in love.
someone i can always count on.
someone who isn't embarrassed to show their feelings towards me.
someone with whom i can do stupid stuff without feeling embarrassed or bad about it.
I want to be the only one, to be perfect for him and he to be perfect for me.

Things like this may never come my way, i just have to wait and see


Well enough gibbering about pointless shit
G'night

She looks in the mirror but she does not see herself, she doesn't recognize herself, she sees a woman of
broken spirits and a drunken mind, one who searches for the satisfaction of the end, a woman
of apathy, eyes that don't see, but eyes that forget.
This woman longs for the end, but is never given that luxury and is
instead stuck with what feels like an eternity of ...blackened and broken hearts, so
heavy they sink her along with everyone she cares for, or once cared for. Longing for the end she searches the depths of her mind, attempting to find what seems as the brighter side of her unavoidable demise. But all her efforts are in vain, frowned upon by friends, family, and the tangled mass of society, she now has a sense of pity, as she now fully comprehends this task at hand many call life, she pities those less fortunate and whom cannot see what is now brightly blinding right before is her.

She now lies dormant...